Originally posted July 11, 2018
Yesterday, I posted on emotional intelligence. I know you were thinking - what she posting that for?
Here is the reason - A lot of us have expectation of other people and we get frustrated when they don't meet our expectations.
When that person is your family member - we tend to expect more.
Why? Because we family, we blood, they know me. But here is the problem - that person is not you - and you are not them - each of you have your own level of emotional intelligence.
Sometimes we get angry or frustrated with people we love because they don't give us the emotion support we expect - love, respect, compassion, attention, support, etc. But, take a step back and look at it another way, maybe that person does not have the capacity emotionally (emotional intelligence), to give you what you want?
What if that person was raised in a family setting with bad role models - like parents that didn't have good relationships with each other, a family that didn't communicate well, that argued all the time, that didn't demonstrate love appropriately, that was neglectful. Maybe the person experienced other trials in their life like - emotional neglect, alcohol/drug abuse, emotional and/ or physical abuse or sexual abuse (approximately one our of four people we encounter every day as been sexually abused). What if all of this stuff occured to the person that you are expecting more of?
Maybe they can't meet your expectations because they never had anyone to show them what your expectations look like. Maybe they just can't get past the anger from their own unmet expectations.
Some people just don't have the capacity to give you what you want. Maybe they can if they tried, but first they would have to acknowledge there is a problem and you already know that most people don't readily accept that they are your problem.
Basically, a person can't give you what they don't have. You, can't control them - you can only control yourself. Work on your own emotional intelligence and realize we all have some work to do to be more kind, understanding, compassion, empathetic and loving to each other - because really that is what we all want at our core - to be loved and accepted.
And for all the people like me that had mommy/daddy issues - your parents are actually people - maybe experiencing their own set of personal issues when they raised you. Maybe, some of your lingering issue with them can be resolved by simply understanding that they are people and they simply did not have the capacity emotionally, the emotional intelligence to deal with your childhood expectations and leave it there.
Forgive them, forgive yourself for your feelings against them. Still love, respect and honor them, but remember people can only go as far as their circle will allow them. Just like you - you can only go as far as your circle will allow you.
Something to think about.
Have a great day and live. Changing your expectations can change your life - and reduce some stress and make room for an open heart, mind and new ideas.
With Love, Devine